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Can climbing bum shirts improve my climbing?

A friend of mine swears he climbs a grade or two higher in climbing bum t-shirts.

Will climbing bum shirts attract members of the opposite sex?

I understand a guy wearing a climbing bum shirt took a three-hundred-foot fall after unroping, but was able to utilize special properties woven into the fabric to parachute to safety.

Does Sylvester Stallone wear climbing bum t-shirts?

My girlfriend says she fantasizes about making wild reckless love in an oversize climbing bum t-shirt.


Do the bum's whiskers tickle while you are climbing?

Were these climbing shirts really designed by Picasso on his deathbed?

Did Salvador Dali really eat one of these climbing shirts?

I understand these climbing shirts are made of a special lycra that has all the properties of cotton.

Are these climbing shirts really the stupidest shirt ever made?

Will wearing these climbing shirts make me look stupid?

Will these climbing shirts make me a swashbuckling dude?

Can climbing bum shirts improve my climbing?

      Yes, but only in people who have had a special operation in which part of their brain has been removed.

 

A friend of mine swears he climbs a grade or two higher in climbing bum t-shirts.

      See previous answer.

 

Will climbing bum shirts attract members of the opposite sex?

      Yes. But only if stuffed with muscle, boobs, or large amounts of unmarked bills.

 

I understand a guy wearing a climbing bum shirt took a three-hundred-foot fall after unroping, but was able to utilize special properties woven into the fabric to parachute to safety.

      Then you are just the kind of guy we are looking for.

 

Does Sylvester Stallone wear climbing bum t-shirts?

      If you say so.

 

My girlfriend says she fantasizes about making wild reckless love in an oversize climbing bum t-shirt.

      Then she is exactly the kind of girl we are looking for. (Please forward her phone number.)

 

Do the bum's whiskers tickle while you are climbing?

      If they do, order me a case of whatever you are drinking.

 

Were these climbing shirts really designed by Picasso on his deathbed?

      Yes…No…Sort of

 

Did Salvador Dali really eat one of these climbing shirts?

      Not during his lifetime.

 

I heard these climbing shirts were designed by NASA.

      Yes. They were supposed to replace Tang.

 

I understand these climbing shirts are made of a special lycra that has all the properties of cotton.

      Yup…Would I lie?

Are these climbing shirts really the stupidest shirt ever made?

    No. It is rumored that before he started making predictions, Nostradamus tried his hand at tee-shirt design, and came up with shirts as senseless as his writings. Though no shirts survive, part of the problem with them was that tee-shirts had not yet been invented, and so they did not go over well.

Will wearing these climbing shirts make me look stupid?

    No. Wearing (and more to the point paying for) a shirt that advertises some product or company like Beal, Black Diamond, REI, EMS, Corona, Old Navy, etc. will not only make you look like a fool, but is a pretty fair indication that you are one
.

 
Will these climbing shirts make me a swashbuckling dude?

    Yes. These shirts are guaranteed 
to swash every buckle you own.


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